Imagine yourself being left untethered in the center of a vast, field on a starless night, left to your own devices. As much as you would like to be at home, the idea of exploration, this chance of exploration intrigues you and you constantly dither between the two choices. I am right in the middle of such a field.
The past few months have been funny. Funny in a mixed sense; funny in a sense that I have not known if in the next moment I would burst into peels of hysteric laughter, or give into throes of despair and raise a call to abandon ship. I have been oscillating between despondency and delight because of the same reason at alarming frequencies without any pattern to them (or maybe a pattern that I failed to observe because of the dust in my eyes). I am at loss in understanding how the same reason can cause reactions that are poles apart. It is like saying I am happy because I am unhappy and I am unhappy because I am happy or perhaps I am happy and unhappy because of the very same reason. Reading these lines again makes things clear. They don't make sense, nor do they allude to any distant form of reason. What's the point then? Nothing! Exactly. And that keeps me kicking.